Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
