Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you win again, gameday.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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