It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
