Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
