My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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