The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
