He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
