What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
