Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
