on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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