Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
