who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
