So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
