It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
