Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
