She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
