her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
