i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
