I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
