My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
