Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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