She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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