I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
