Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
