cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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