He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
