apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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