No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.