Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off