i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel