He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.