I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
