Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
