fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
