it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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