I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
