Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
