So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
