The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Two words: nipple clamps
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