you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
