she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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