Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude. I can hear the air.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
