i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
