I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
