I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
