moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
