im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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