that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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