Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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