We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
two words...techno handjob
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
