In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
