he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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