Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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