hotel room ftw
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
