Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
