am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
