Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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