1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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