actually, I'm a sock model
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
