She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize