Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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