Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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