dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
