I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
