Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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