And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
