people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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