oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
