everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
