Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
don't judge my taste in strippers
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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