So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize