that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
