Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
