I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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