she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
