I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
