Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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